In case you hadn’t noticed, Dale Earnhardt Jr. hasn’t been very good at NASCAR recently. He hasn’t sucked, per se - really, it depends on your definition of the term - and he hasn’t been on a Ricky Bobby-esque tear of wrecking his car or anything like hat. But for someone carrying the most popular surname in the sport, Junior has been middling at best, coming in at 23rd as this NASCAR season winds down. Makes you wonder what the hell’s going on, right?

(We’re told those are methadone margaritas. EXCLUSIVE.)

Fortunately, our friends at the perennially Pulitzer-winning NATIONAL ENQUIRER have the scoop, and we fear it’s for the worst: Dale Jr. is pickling himself to death, one bottle at a time. Remember, if the Enquirer says it, it must be true somebody told it to them first!

From (sigh) the Enquirer:

The 35-year-old driver is feuding with the owner of his racing team, he’s burned through a string of girlfriends, and he’s still haunted by the tragic death of his legendary father, sources say.

Now the troubled bachelor may be turning to booze to cope, insiders say.

“Dale Jr. seems almost in a death spiral,” disclosed a close pal. “He’s locked himself away from his closest friends, and he’s upset all the time.

Another source divulged: “Dale tries to downplay his reputation as a hard drinker, but he’s lived his life like a frat boy at a kegger. But now he’s drinking not for the fun of it, but to heal deep wounds that are eating away at him. We’re all worried about him.”

Obviously, if this is even halfway true, it’s a serious problem for Earnhardt, his family, and his career. But considering it’s buried by a story about how Dr. Phil has three years to live - yeah, we bet - and considering the paper has spent the last 17 years claiming the sitting President was weeks away from divorce, we’re not going to give the claims much credence.

That’s not to say that Earnhardt is living clean and anything like that; it’s that the Enquirer isn’t a trustworthy source on the topic. It’s like when celebrities talk about political issues. Even if they’re right, they’re not experts on the issue, and usually they’re overstating the issue in order to draw more attention to themselves. Have you ever listened to Cameron Diaz talk about the environment? Don’t you feel substantially dumber afterwards, regardless of whether you agree with her? That’s about where the Enquirer is.