• In the most horrible of MLB hazings, the Padres’ rookies get dressed up as Hooters Girls. Isn’t playing for San Diego embarrassing enough already?

*Editor’s note: We’re sorry for sharing such a terrifying image. Please enjoy the following photo as a token of our sincerest apologies:

(SbB Girls Vanessa, Hillary and Kim make it all better)

• Ron Artest says Josh Howard’s stunning comments about the Star-Spangled Banner are an indictment of America’s education system.

• What do you do when your team sucks & no one’s coming out to the games? If you’re the Washington Nationals, you cut payroll by $20 million.

• Staying in the District, Agent Zero will be out of action until December, as Gilbert Arenas needs knee surgery again.

• No Tiger at the Ryder? No problem, as long as Boo Weekley is around to cause chuckles around the course.

• Matt Cassel maintains the proud tradition of pretty Patriots QBs.

• Actual Notre Dame headline from Rivals.com: “Video: Close shave for Kuntz“. Since when did the Irish relocate to the San Fernando Valley?

• Don’t be bummed about your benching, Tarvaris Jackson - Mama’s still got your back.

• Mets shortstop Jose Reyes has apparently been getting around in a Bentley - model Bentley Matthews, that is.

• A 300-lb high school football player says he was abducted at gunpoint and taken on a 200-mile drive. This guy wouldn’t also be claiming a commitment to Cal, would he?