According to Las Vegas police, Adam “Pacman” Jones paid $15,000 to the man that has been arrested for firing the shot that paralyzed an employee of the strip club now famous for allowing Jones to seed the clouds inside with money and then making it rain. Jones’ lawyer make it clear: “…if (Jones) didn’t pay the money then this guy would come after him.”
Hey, Adam. Very, very seriously. If you’re reading this, click here. It’s a New Zealand tourism Web site. Look it over. Find a package that works for you. Explore the island nation and find the place that feels the least like home to you, the most desolate and lonely corner of that beautiful nation.
Then call the movers and have them ship your belongings over. It’s time.
Just leave it all behind. There’s nothing good left for you in these United States. It’s okay; it happens sometimes. No shame. Just head to New Zealand, find a place where no one can get in your head with idiotic ideas, and take some time to find the real you. Learn sheep husbandry. Make wool sweaters. Pump your own water.
We’re not trying to get rid of you. Hell, Adam, we’re trying to keep you on this planet. We’ll even come visit after a few years if you want. You can give us the Hobbit tour. We’ll bring DVDs of any shows you’ve missed while you were isolated. How’s that sound, Adam? Doesn’t that sound like a wise plan?
No, huh? Okay. No, no. That’s fine. No, we understand. So… see you back here in a week or so, then? Alright. Be safe.