Pacman Jones To Wakka-Wakka-Wakka To CFL?

In terms of the Pacman Jones career arc, we always knew it would come to this, right? From Tennessee, to super-suspended, to Dallas, a sprinkling of pro wrestling inbetween… the next step? Yes, of course, Winnipeg.

Adam Pacman Jones footballs
(Odds that this is actually an elaborate plan to smuggle illicit goods across the Canadian border inside footballs? Better than you’d expect.)

In a move we can’t necessarily describe as well-thought-out, a team called the “Blue Bombers” is close to landing Pacman Jones. We say “close to,” because despite some media reports, the WINNIPEG FREE PRESS is saying the deal isn’t finished yet. What’s holding it up, you might ask? Oh, among other things, the possibility that the country won’t even let him in. That’s always a good sign.

Per the Free Press:

Stories in several U.S. publications are reporting this morning that a deal has been signed but club management told the Free Press early Tuesday morning that is pre-mature. A contract has not been signed nor has one been sent to the former Dallas Cowboys speedster.

Blue Bombers personnel man John Murphy, however, is quoted in a number of places discussing the impact Jones would have on the Bombers and the team’s marketing department.

An early report had Jones arriving in Winnipeg on Wednesday but the team has yet to investigate his status with Canada Border Services.

Yep. “Can we even let this guy in our borders?” Very good.

This is hardly an idea situation, as Jones can probably expect to make under six figures per season. Making it rain, then, is probably out of the question unless he gets a side job - like, he makes his Rain Money at the Winnipeg Home Depot on off-days and evenings or something.

But assuming there’s somebody there in Winnipeg to keep Pacman in line, it’s a move that might work. Certainly, they’ll move some needles in terms of media attention, and they’ll probably sell more tickets.

We’ll just advise the staff of Teasers Burlesque Palace - the number 1 adult entertainment in Manitoba! - to, ahem, watch their backs.