Some fans might remember the mini-kerfuffle that erupted between St. Louis Cardinals and Chicago Cubs fans earlier this season when someone began selling “Carlos Zambrano mows my lawn” t-shirts (seriously? that’s your joke? sigh). Luckily, Cubs fans have taken the high road, if by that I mean the exact opposite, turning the exact same joke against Ozzie Guillen.
Guillen knows a thing or two about obnoxious behavior, though, and he knows that what the sellers are after isn’t money, but an angry response. Via the CHICAGO TRIBUNE’s HARD BALL blog, commence epic pwnership:
“Ozzie mows Wrigley Field” was inscribed on the front, with the Wrigley scoreboard in the background.
Guillen bought a T-shirt and wore it in the clubhouse. “I might cut lawns but I don’t stand in the rain selling T-shirts,” Guillen said, laughing.
Boom, bitch! Seriously, you’re going to have to bring it a lot harder than “room-temperature-IQ-level racist stereotypes” to get under Ozzie Guillen’s skin.
In fact, let’s do you a favor. If you really want to make Ozzie mad, here’s a three-step guide.
1) Become very good at baseball.
2a) Work your way up through the White Sox’s farm system.
2b) Failing that, break into the majors with someone else and have the White Sox acquire you.
If that’s too time/labor intensive or you’re above the age of 30, we could do it a different way:
1) Become an umpire.
2) Work your way up through the umpire hierarchy into the major leagues.
3) Work a White Sox game.
1) Be Jay Mariotti, who automatically sucks.
Best of luck, retarded t-shirt guys! Stay dry!
UPDATE: MOUTHPIECE SPORTS has a picture of the t-shirt. It’s about what you would expect.
(I mean, those lawnmowers aren’t even appropriate for Wrigley. They’re much too small.)