Hey! ORLANDO SENTINEL! We’re lookin’ at you. Over here. C’mere. We got somethin’ we wanna ask you.
So we’ve been lookin’ at your new print design and your obsession with Chris Duhon (hint: any free-agent search that peaks with Chris Duhon probably wasn’t run by Marshal Samuel Gerard) and we noticed you now have a feature we frankly did not expect from a major metropolitan daily in these United States:
You’re doing WAGs, ORLANDO SENTINEL? In the sports section? Really? Here we’re hearing nothin’ but how bloggers drink their coffee like this and newspapers drink their coffee like this and how we’re just stealing your content all the time and now we see you’re hornin’ in on our turf.
We’re the dirty basement-dwelling lecherous bloggers and you’re the fine upright newspapers. Now we see you’re posting pictures of Kim Kardashian and Gisele Bundchen and calling it news, too. That don’t seem right, now do it? Now do it?
You go back to your boss, Sam Zell, and you tell him that we love what he’s done with his little Petri dish of a newspaper before he inflicts it on the big boys and it’s really quaint and all. We hate to see anything happen to it (like, say, its slow decline into night). So, y’know, you go tell him that. We look forward to this being resolved all quiet-like.