- Vince McMahon wants his wrestlers to make it more realistic when they fight. Too bad Mick Foley isn’t wrestling for WWE anymore: I’d like to see how one “realistically” gets a sweat sock shoved in his mouth.
- What can Big Brown do for you? Apparently have sex with a lot of fillies, as the Kentucky Derby winner has been injured and put out to stud.
- The Rays can’t compete with the playoff-honed experience of the Red Sox when it comes to idiotic fan behavior.
- A 19-year-old top prospect of the Rangers’ dies during a game in Russia, and it might be from a blow accidentally delivered by his teammate Jaromir Jagr.
- Holy Cross football player allegedly stabs teammate at party following win - no word if a Crown of Thorns was the weapon of choice.
- Turns out that Peyton Manning had a second, secret knee surgery in the off-season. He really only needed one, but he had a 2-for-1 coupon and didn’t want to waste it.
- The toilets have been removed from Shea Stadium ahead of demolition. I would suggest shipping them over to China, since they are apparently having a shortage after a Chinese ping-pong champ got into a fight with a security guard after trying to take a leak outside of a karaoke bar. Or as I call it, “Thursday night at the Smog Cutter.”
- A fan wants John McCain to get Ted Williams’ head out of cold storage. No word on where Barack Obama stands on the critical issue of frozen athlete heads.
- Tony Romo broke his pinkie finger yesterday and will be out six weeks. Ronnie Lott laughs at his lack of commitment.
- Tommy Bowden is out as head coach at Clemson. Al Davis insists that Bowden wasn’t the coach he thought he was when he was hired, then has to be reminded that he runs the Raiders and not the Tigers.
- Barry Bonds has a couple of Indian wannabe baseball players over to his house, bugs them about if tiger adrenial glands are like HGH over and over.
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