In news that shocks nobody, more evidence has come out that many of China’s young athletes have faked their ages. But this time, rather than allegations from the USOC or an investigative piece on Real Sports, the accuser is infallible. It’s science!

Tests carried out by a provincial Chinese sports federation on the bones of 13,000 athletes found that 3,000 of them were older than their stated age. And since this is an official Chinese report, you know they’ll under-report it by a factor of ten. Therefore, I can say with complete certainty, that 300% of Chinese athletes lie about their age.

The x-ray bone age analysis was performed by the Sports Bureau of Guangdong Province, in advance of their hosting the 2010 Asian Games. More than a quarter of the teenage athletes tested were older than advertised, most by a year or two, but at least one athlete by seven years.

“We must ensure that those athletes faking their ages cannot find any way to take advantage [in competition],” officials were quoted by local media as saying.

“Based on the bone X-ray examinations, we will review all the results of youth sports competition in 2008.”

They won’t, though. Young athletes and their families have incentive to lie about their age, because sport in China is a way out of poverty, but only for the very best. Local federations have incentive to lie, because state funding is dependent on success. And the country has incentive to lie, because all they’re worried about is success on the global stage.

Now someone chop down Yao Ming and count the rings.