On Today’s Divorce Court: Shaq And Jason Varitek

Ladies, if your dream man is a tall, overweight dude whose hobbies include watching cable TV & shopping for clothes and has a slight problem with mumbling, I’m sorry to say that your dreamboat is off the market. Shaquille O’Neal and his estranged wife Shaunie have apparently reconciled their differences, and were planning on stopping their divorce proceedings. Or as she told the AP:

Shaq Shaunie O'Neal

“Neither one of us could probably answer why we were getting one in the first place.”

Allow me to refresh Shaunie’s memory:

He basically called you a lying, cheating gold digger, and you exposed his ridiculous monthly spending habits, including spending $1,500 a month on cable bills and $17,000 a month on clothes. And there was that whole “Kobe Bryant telling the Colorado cops about Shaq’s hush money to ex-flames” thing. But other than that, there didn’t seem to be any reason that you guys should have split in the first place. I guess their idea of a relationship being “irrevitably broke” is different than mine.

Several Suns fans I have spoken to in the past few minutes have been devastated by the news. At least when he was single, there was a chance that Shaq would have to get up and drive himself to the AM/PM to get his Roman feast of nachos, cheeseburgers and corn dogs, providing him with at least minimal exercise. A content Shaq with a wife to cook and make late-night snack runs for him is not good news for next season.

In other marital news, Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek is filing for divorce from his wife of 11 years. Fans knew things had gone south with she held up a sign in the stands at a recent games that said “I’m being traded for Deanna Favre straight up.”