Garry Linnell is a man who doesn’t mess around. The Australian reporter for THE DAILY TELEGRAPH wouldn’t pussyfoot around his assignment to go to the Olympics Games and eat four kinds of animal penis.
Linnell opted not for the Bloomin’ Onion (we like to stereotype here, stick with us) but instead for a meal at Guolizhuang, a restaurant that specializes in the slicing, cooking, and overpricing of male reproductive organs of certain animals. Each one, legend has it, gives the consumer some kind of medicinal advantage. And when you think about it, in a way, vomiting does cleanse the system of all the badness. So maybe they’re on to something. But which one did Linnell like the best?
Certainly not the ox penis, which if you look at the video, is intricately carved with a knife. (Classy.) Ox penis is supposed to improve one’s skin and longevity. But Linnell is not impressed. “Soft” and “fatty” are only a couple of the words he uses to say about the ox penis. Which … hey, maybe he’s just not the ox’s type.
Next was the sheep penis. Even dipped in chili sauce, it’s “bland, soft rubber.” The deer penis was better still, albeit still pretty bad tasting. His favorite wang, though? The donkey penis. As Linnell puts it, “it looks like a streak of bacon and carries the faint taste of pork.”
Honestly … what else is there to say? How can you, kind reader, look down on this man, when he’s definitely swallowed way more animal schlong than you have today? Huh?