Hey Seattle, it’s us, Oklahoma City. We’re getting your team and we couldn’t be happier. Maybe if you guys weren’t such sissy liberals, you’d have been able to keep your precious, precious Sonics.

(typical Seattle fan)

Nah, probably not. You’re all too busy drinking coffee and wearing flannel. Why don’t you go chase Sasquatch, you bunch of hippies? While you’re all living under a bridge, we’ll be enjoying the sweet, sweet sound of Kevin Durant’s jumpers hitting the bottom of the net.

Have a look at this article one of our columnists penned. Since you’re probably too busy crying in to your lattes to get the big points, I’ll point some out for you.

I am getting really tired of everyone else from Seattle crying about this move. If you really cared about the Sonics, then why didn’t you buy a ticket or even better yet approve payment on a new stadium?

Seriously, Seattleans or whatever you’re called. Would it have been that hard for you to get your acts together? I guess you were too busy reading through Kurt Cobain’s journals to buy a ticket. How about this gem:

Sorry, Seattle, but you had your chance and failed…Don’t worry, though: You still have the Seahawks and Mariners

Good one, Daniel Holdge! You’re so witty. Suck one, Seattle.

(Note: This is parody. Oklahoma City did not actually write this entry, and I think that column is despicable.)