Ochocinco Scoops NFL Press On Brady’s ‘Injury’

Yawn, another sleepy Satu–WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT DREAMBOAT ALERT. Tom Brady has a sore shoulder! Stop the presses. Sound the alarum bells. All hands on deck: Mortensen! Schefter! Hell, get Peter Gammons in here! Someone fire up the ESPN overkill machine! Go! Go! Go! (!!!) Doesn’t Haynesworth know we’ve got a redemption/comeback storyline that needs to be beaten into the ground all season?  EVERYBODY PANIC!

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(Behold the awesome power of MS Paint.)

Given the Patriots’ secretive nature about injuries and the media’s ability to work itself into a lather at the drop of a hat, it’s hard to know the extent of the injury. Thankfully, one man had the balls and the Rolodex big enough to cut the crap and get to the bottom of things: Investigative Reporter Chad Ochocinco!

Now, ol’ Ochocinco didn’t go to one of those fancy elitist J-schools you read about in the papers, but Chad knows a thing or two about getting to the bottom of a worrying story. He picked up the phone. Columbia Journalism Review, take note:

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Well yeah, sure, he claims to have spoken with Brady, but how do we know that for sure if Ochocinco doesn’t even have an advanced journalism degree like, say, Rich Eisen?

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Ohhh, OK. Whew. Crisis averted, turn off the ESPN Hype Machine, send the expert squad back to bed to dream of Brett Favre. Wait….TOM BRADY’S HOMELESS?! EVERYBODY PANIC!