The last time we heard from Chris Johnson - no, not the one on the Titans with “gettin’ away from cops speed,” the one on the Raiders - he was too busy drawing bullcrap penalties for praising the Lord after an interception. Seriously, that was a steaming plate of C-R-A-P, and we’re glad the league apologized.

(”THANK YOU JESUS BUT I KIND OF HAD BIGGER ASPIRATIONS SO LET’S TALK ABOUT THOSE LATER TODAY OKAY THANKS AGAIN BYE BYE”)

Johnson’s probably going to need God again, and he’s going to need Him for a serious, universe-altering favor.  Parting the Red Sea? Feh. Planting dinosaur bones to make atheists think the Earth is old? Child’s play. Creating the universe and everything in it? Ho-hum. God’s got much bigger problems to work out now: like making the Raiders run the table and make the playoffs this season.

From the OAKLAND TRIBUNE:

Cornerback Chris Johnson said the Raiders have a shot at running the table after a 2-6 start.

“If you really want to look at it, you can go 8-0 and you might end up 10-6,” Johnson said Wednesday. “There’s a possible way you can actually do it.”

Yes, it’s possible, but here’s where the reporter reluctantly steps in and starts listing off all the reasons why NO YOU CAN’T HAVE PLAYOFF PONY, NOT YOURS.

It all starts with a home game Sunday against the Kansas City Chiefs, a team that has beaten the Raiders at the Coliseum each of the past six seasons. Also, the Raiders have lost their past six times after the bye week.

The Raiders enter the second half four games behind the division-leading Denver Broncos and a long shot for a wild-card playoff berth.

The Raiders are chasing the San Diego Chargers (5-3, including two victories against the Raiders), the Houston Texans (5-4, including a win against the Raiders), the Pittsburgh Steelers (6-2) and the New York Jets (4-4, including a victory over the Raiders). Also ahead of the Raiders are the Baltimore Ravens (4-4), Jacksonville Jaguars (4-4), Miami Dolphins (3-5) and Buffalo Bills (3-5).

Okay, granted, if the Raiders finish 10-6, they’re probably going to overtake most of the teams currently ahead of them in the WC standings right now. No offense to the Bills or anything, but they can probably start making vacation plans for early January now.

All that said, Jamarcus Russell is still the Raiders’ quarterback. Jamarcus Russell is one of the worst #1 overall picks in the league’s modern history (We would argue, for example, that Randy Duncan was a worse pick by the Packers in 1959 - he ended up going to the CFL, then AFL, then law school instead - but that was quite a different era). We tried to look up his stats, and everything has just been replaced with “LOL.” It’s a sad, sad situation.

But hey; at least the Raiders aren’t giving up. And with Al Davis running the show, anything is possible. No really, anything is possible. He could put a rabid squirrel at wideout, and nobody would really bat an eye. In fact, we’re pretty sure everyone’s rabies vaccinations are up to date in the Raiders organization for precisely that reason.