Judge Frees Nude Cyclist To Ride Buff Once Again

Mark down another win for the good guys. In a court case that was being watched closely by nude enthusiasts around the world, a Portland judge has cleared Harry Potter look-a-like and nude cyclist Michael “Bobby” Hammond of any wrong-doing or illegal exposure of genitals. He will now be free to roam the expanse of the Pacific Northwest, peddling to and fro with his junk bobbling with every bump in the road. Yeah for America!

Michael Hammond

(Maybe the Invisibility Cloak will work next time.)

Hammond was arrested last July when he rode through the presumably hippy-infested Alberta Arts District in the buff, as a way to “make clear that nothing was powering his mode of transportation but his own unadulterated body.” There was probably a better way to make that point, but whatever. Police saw the move as less of a free speech issue and more of him just being a dick, so they locked him up.

In the end however, the judge threw the case out of court citing the old “it’s okay because everybody else is doing it” precedent.

OREGON LIVE has the ruling:

A Multnomah County judge has cleared a Northeast Portland nude bicyclist of criminal indecent exposure charges, saying cycling naked has become a “well-established tradition” in Portland and understood as a form of “symbolic protest.”

Judge Jerome LaBarre said the city’s annual World Naked Bike Ride — in which as many as 1,200 people cycled through Northwest and downtown Portland on June 14 — has helped cement riding in the buff as a form of protest against cars and possibly even the nation’s dependence on fossil fuels.

While this may seem like good news for everyone who loves seeing other naked people - and honestly, who doesn’t? - be careful what you wish for. If there’s one thing we’ve learned in our quarter-century-plus on this planet, it’s that people who want to be nude in public generally shouldn’t be. Ever. If you’re in Portland, get ready for the large flood of naked females roaming the streets, all sporting hair in places it shouldn’t be.