Scattering ashes on a baseball mound: a grand gesture or simply ghoulish? I asked myself that question after reading about Lisa Hasson, who had secretly scattered her father’s ashes on the mound at Shea Stadium 12 years ago, and had been told by team officials that she couldn’t get into the field to scoop some of the mound up to re-scatter it at the new ball park. After an initial story about Hasson’s plight ran in the DAILY NEWS, Mets fans who had been able to scoop up dirt from the mound volunteered to send some to her.

It sounds like a sweet story that these fans would give a piece of Mets history to someone they don’t know. But I think it’s more likely that people read the story, looked at their commemorative clump of the mound and realized, “Oh my God, my hands have been all over SOME GUY’S DEAD ASHES!!!” Followed by them puking liberally and taking an industrial, Karen Silkwood-style shower to wash his remains away.

So for the past 12 years, anytime the wind came up and blew some dirt into a pitcher’s mouth, the remains of this woman’s dad went in as well? I think it’s safe to say that Al Leiter is at least five percent Ben Sonkin at this point in his life. Unless Ira was the world’s fattest man when he died, I’m guessing that whatever part of his remains were originally scattered aren’t part of the dirt that she’s getting now.

But really, let’s be honest: the most likely scenario is that these “Good Samaritans” might have just scooped up some dirt from the park into a bag that said “Shea Stadium.” Helping a lady out is great, but this is dirt from Shea Frickin’ Stadium.

All I know if this: I am never knocking on this woman’s front door to borrow some instant coffee from her. God only knows what she’s mixed in there.