Notre Dame’s Holtz Statue More Lifelike Than Holtz

It should be exciting on the Notre Dame campus this weekend. Not because of the game between the Fighting Irish and Michigan - let’s face it, this has become one of the most overrated “rivalries” in sports, and if the two teams combine for more than 24 points I’d be shocked. No, it will be a thrill ride because, as the AP reports, Notre Dame is dedicating a statue of Lou Holtz.

Lou Holtz

Although I’m sure if you ask Holtz, the statue of Bo Schembechler is a far superior statue, much bigger and taller and made of higher quality bronze, and there’s really no way that his statue can compare with it. The statue depicts Holtz standing on the sideline calling a play.

If they wanted it to be accurate and lifelike, they should have made it a combination statue sprinkler system, with a torrent of liquid spewing from Holtz’s mouth, Sylvester the Cat-like, at regular intervals.  (Or maybe Holtz cutting Mark May’s neck, but that’s another story.)

Holtz is going to be speaking to the team before the game at the request of Charlie Weis, who originally was going to appear on the god-awful Dr. Lou segment, but then remembered that he doesn’t have very good luck with doctors. And apparently Weis isn’t the only person paging Dr. Lou: Paul Azinger has asked Holtz to give the Ryder Cup team a pep talk before the start of their matches. Which I’m sure will be great until Holtz gets there and is confused as to why Arnold Palmer isn’t on the team.

You don’t think they’ve rigged the statue up like the statue of the crazy ex-President of Turkmenistan that slowly rotates to always face the sun. Except in Holtz’s case, it would probably be rotating to face the nearest open Hometown Buffet.

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