Note To Self: Don’t Talk To Rampage In The Gym

We’ve never read MEN’S FITNESS mag, and we’ve always wondered how they keep that thing going. How many times can you publish pieces about sit-up technique? And the “long, hard road to huge, rock-hard lats!”

UFC Girls Rampage Jackson

(Not covered: How to avoid a belt for staring at Gym hotties)

But thanks to the online version, we were introduced to an Q & A on “gym etiquette” with MMA brawler Rampage Jackson. The questions pretty much cover every cliched douchenozzle you’ve ever observed in the gym. One example:

You’re obviously a guy who has spent a lot of time in the gym, so we’re assuming you know all about proper gym etiquette.(What do you say to) Guys who talk to you while you’re trying to workout.
Are you hitting on me? What are you here for-to workout or hit on me?

Much more fun after the jump.

OK, let’s say you have a funky smelling guy who is stinking up the machines. We aren’t talking about a little sweat. This guy smells like he hasn’t had a shower in three days. What do you say to him?
‘Hey man, there’s a shower back there in that locker room. Go try it out before you workout. Are you living in your car or something?’

Guys who talk to you while you’re trying to workout.
‘Are you hitting on me? What are you here for-to workout or hit on me?

Guys who take calls from their girlfriends in the middle of a workout.
‘Come on, man. Either hang up or get a room. What’s wrong with you?’

Guys who don’t return the weights to the racks.
‘Hey man, does your momma live here? Return those weight to the rack!’

Guys who drop weights.
‘Damn, you ain’t strong enough to put those things down? Well, then don’t pick them up!’

Guys who sneak peeks at other guys in the locker room.
‘Ohh, you guys are in the wrong gym. I suppose they have other kinds of gyms out there … but this ain’t one of them.’

Guys who hog the equipment by resting on it during breaks.
‘Get your weak ass up. This is a workout!’

Guys who fill up gallon jugs at the water fountain while you’re waiting for a drink.
‘What the hell’s wrong with you? You don’t have running water at home? Bring your own water if you’re going to lug around that big ol’ jug. It’s water-it’s free.’

Old naked guys in the sauna who don’t mind letting their junk hang out.
‘Get your old wrinkled ass out of the sauna. That’s why your ass is wrinkled. You spend all your time in the sauna and not working out. At least put on some Speedos.

Guys who hit on every girl in the gym.
‘Hey man, save that for the nightclubs. At least there’s a chance the girls will be buzzing at the club-and by the looks of it you need all the help you can get.’

We really need to index card these responses for our visit to the gym in about 30 minutes.