NO ONE IN THE (213) GIVES A DAMN ABOUT DAVID WELLS: Everyone we know outside of Los Angeles was intrigued by fake surfer (uh, the guy’s diabetic … hello?) David Wells’ victorious pitching performance against the Mets last night.

But since the Dodgers’ pathetically precipitous plummet in the standings, we Angelenos have long since turned our attention to the high hopes of USC football.

And thankfully, the Trojans’ ten tailbacks this Saturday take on the Idaho Vandals and their bevy of two-bills-short (under 200 lbs.) defenders.

We’d like to think the UCLA Bruins have a chance in hell to contend in the Pac-10 too, but future head coach DeWayne Walker is still a year or two away.