Anyone who went to a conservative religious school growing up probably remembers the gusto with which teachers and administrators enforced school dress codes. Not paying attention in class? Who cares. Bullying freshmen in the hallway? No problem. But heaven forbid a student show up to class with an uncollared shirt or too-short skirt - those were the real dangers facing the youth of America! Instant demerits!
It’s kinda like the NFL. If you’re an NFL player, your job is to put your body in as much peril as possible to emerge victorious from one of the most brutal and vicious sports in this country. Players are accused of domestic violence with alarming regularity. Some players have killed other people, others have been implicated in murders. And yet they play on. But wear your shorts too far above the knee? That’ll be $5,000, you immoral hell-bound heathen.
Despite many examples to the contrary, the NFL apparently has a little-known-or-cared-about rule that all game pants must cover the “knee area.” Exposure of sexy, sexy knee skin will result in the NFL’s ruler-wielding nuns lowering the hammer of swift justice. That’s what happened to Cleveland Browns defensive back Eric Wright this past weekend. Glory be to Twitter, where Wright went to voice his displeasure (via the aptly-named Cleveland sports blog WAITING FOR NEXT YEAR) before, of course, deleting the offending post lest the hammer of injustice fall even harder:
First of all, I can’t decide whether it would be awesome or depressing to have a job that consisted of spending Sundays watching football only with the goal of levying sartorially-related fines on unsuspecting football players who are oh, I don’t know, too busy playing football to pay attention to their hemlines. Secondly, isn’t it the team’s responsibility to make sure their shorts are sufficiently long? Can’t they let out the spandex a little to cover the knee? What about players with abnormally long femurs? Someone notify the ACLU - we’ve got a discrimination on our hands. Stop discriminating against the long-legged!
6:56 pm on September 22nd, 2009
I’m all for keeping the uni’s in check. If not you’ll have what we’re now seeing in baseball where some guys pants are so long you can’t even see their shoes. Or in basketball where everyone is wearing leggings, headbands, writsbands, elbow pads, etc.
The 50th anniversary AFL throwbacks show just how cool classic/traditional looks could be. The pants are meant to hold knee pads, they should at least cover the knee.
10:18 pm on September 22nd, 2009
Uh Pete, please stay away from PhotoShop in the future - that’s way too disturbing…..
12:18 am on September 23rd, 2009
Johnnie Utah, please give it up. The game isn’t yours anymore yknow. You’re a joke for thinking baggy pants or elbow pads is somehow taking from the game. Peace gramps.
9:39 am on September 23rd, 2009
Yeah, I think that this is a big scam by the NFL. These players are putting their bodies on the line every Sunday for the NFL to make $$$. Heaven forbid after you make tackle in the backfield or catch a touchdown pass and your sock goes down or jersey comes untucked. If that happens, that corporation that your helping bring millions to fines you for your infraction. One more reason why I watch the NFL less and less every Sunday.
10:19 am on September 23rd, 2009
Many thanks, sir.
9:11 pm on November 12th, 2009
I have noticed so many teams this year with the short pants and you are kidding that the NFL actually found one to fine? Either fine them all or let the game progress with talent and clothing. Never hurts to change a few things up.