NEW NHL JERSEYS NOT SUCH AN IMPROVEMENT AFTER ALL: The new duds donned by NHL players this season appear to be actual duds. Not from a merchandising standpoint, but in the face of physics:

WEIRD SCIENCE…er, sorry, WIRED SCIENCE analyzes just how advanced these Reebok-made RBK Edge jerseys are when it comes to game-time performance.

The company had hit the ice with impressive figures for the new fashions, such as weighing 14% less heavy, creating 9% less drag, absorbing 76% less moisture, lasting twice as long, and being 4 to 10 degrees cooler.

However, WIRED decided to gut-check the corporate-speak and find out for themselves. The 14% weight reduction meant that the new outfits were three whole ounces lighter than the old ones. And the claims of “9% drag reduction” failed to factor in how big a deal wind resistance was to a hockey player in the first place.

Worst of all was the decrease in moisture absorption. Just because the jerseys wouldn’t pick up as much perspiration, doesn’t mean that the wetness would simply disappear.

So, instead of getting soaked up by the sweaters, it would slick up the rest of the player’s equipment, especially gloves and skates. And it’s hard to feel cooler when you’re covered in sweat.

Lost in all the wind-tunnel testing and sweater-soaking indexes is the fact that the players never complained about the previous jerseys to begin with.

The sweater switch was the original brainchild of NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, the same leader who helped get the league off of ESPN and onto Versus. At this business rate, the new clothes may garner a few bucks in a “Going Out Of Business” sale.