New Lingerie Football League - Root For Da Bares

Remember the Lingerie Bowls, those authentic, not-at-all-pandering Super Bowl halftime events the nuances of which sports purists love to debate over for hours on end whilst enjoying a Cuban cigar and a snifter of brandy?  Well fear not, Underwear Sports World, for an entire league hath been created for you.

Lingerie Bowl

(All players are required to bring their own kneepads from home.)

There are to be 10 initial franchises in NFL cities across the country. As expected, the teams all have tasteful, dignified names chosen to inspire young women across the country and prove that they can be anything they want to be, including professional football players. A rundown of each of the teams with some early factoids is after the jump.

Eastern Conference

Atlanta Steam - Already sold private suite to Patrick Ewing

Chicago Bliss - Mike Ditka thrust into coaching vacancy, but comes at a cost

Miami Caliente - Television deal includes crossover episodes of “CSI: Miami”

NE Euphoria - Promises hardest nipples in the league

Tampa Breeze - Already facing lawsuit by Mons Venus

 

Western Conference

Dallas Desire - Insert your own Pacman Jones joke here

Los Angeles Temptation - Kobe Bryant to purchase stake in team as soon as a suitable jewelry box upgrade is located for his wife

Phoenix Scorch - Matt Leinart vying for starting QB job

San Diego Seduction - Box seats are available but are not what you think they are.

Seattle Mist - Pre-banned Shawn Kemp from attending games due to poorly worded maternity clause in players union contract

Fantasy leagues are already being erected around the country, with most drafts expected to be held in poorly lit movie theaters in the seedy part of a town near you.