It’s hard to blame Chris Douglas-Roberts for being proud of his collegiate career. Even as the NCAA declared the Tigers’ 2007-08 season “vacated“, he was still part of a program that, over two seasons, went 71-6 and went to two Elite Eights. Hooray, Tigers, hooray.

(Aw, he’s SOOO CUUUUTE! Who’s that cute kitty gonna rip my larynx out with one swipe? I said WHO’S that cute kitty??)

But while most athletes who want to honor their alma mater do something like buy memorabilia or get tattoos, CDR (as the kids call him) decided to take things one step further and raise bengal tigers in his house. This makes sense because WAIT WAIT WAIT… he’s raising bengal tigers in his own house?! Multiple? Plural? Tigers with an S? Oh yeah, that should work out beautifully.

From CDR’s own blog at NBA.COM, the wonderful news for coroners looking for work:

Kieko and Kiana [Roberts’ two bengal kittens] are better behaved now. But they’re still in that exploring mode where they’re jumping on everything. They’re jumping on the windows, jumping on the screens. They already tore one of my screens up. At the end of the day, it’s aight. They’re a little sporadic now, but when they get older they’ll be more relaxed.

They’re about two months old now. I got ’em when they were fresh kittens. They’re definitely inside cats – they can’t even go out. I had to sign a contract saying they can’t be outside, so I’m living up to that. They’re just a rare breed, and they don’t want them mating other types. They just want the breed to stay pure and don’t want any inbreeds or anything like that.

A minor point of contention: we’re pretty sure the cats aren’t supposed to get out probably because people don’t want tigers roaming around their streets at night. These things are designed to kill large animals. Humans are large animals.

In fact, if one were to, say, search for “Bengal Tiger Kittens” on the Googles, here’s the very first thing that comes up:

It is not a good idea to keep a cub as a pet, because being wild animals, tigers cannot be domesticated. Some people think if they declaw and defang the animal, it will be obedient and loving, but that’s untrue. These animals are absolutely unfit as pets, and the more mature they get, there less predictable they grow. Animals that are bereave of the opportunity to exercise their hunting instincts become fierce monsters and they are likely to take it out on their owners.

Emphasis ours on the bold, though it’s not as if the other parts apply any less to the situation.

It’s like the world is telling CDR, “Look, this is America, and you’re free to do as you like. But these cats can’t be outside and they’re not domesticated. This is a really, really bad idea and we really, really hope you reconsider. Please.”

But look on the flipside; Roberts wouldn’t be the first to domesticate tigers. After all, there’s Siegfried and Roy, and they… oh, that one didn’t end well either, did it? Uh-oh.