NCAA Tournament Continues to Choke on Chalk

Could we please check with NCAA officials to make sure all four teams Saturday night received the same schedule of events? This seems to have been a problem all week, what with all the blowouts. One team gets notice to show up for a game at an appointed time and the other team has a schedule that asks them to appear at a rubber chicken dinner at the hotel at the same time.

Xavier bends over and takes it

(Are you sure this schedule is right? I don’t think we’re supposed to carry the Olympic torch tonight.)

Is it too much to ask the printing vendor to tell UCLA the game starts at 6:30ish ET without telling Xavier to be at the Scottsdale Hilton at 6:45 for the presentation of the “Nice Try, Kids; Better Luck Next Year” award?

By the time Xavier realized they’d been caught on “Candid Camera” and raced over to the arena, it was too late. UCLA had already throttled the empty Xavier jerseys 76-57. (It would have been worse except for UCLA’s 10 first-half turnovers.)

Meanwhile, Louisville must have been quite confused to find out their 9 pm ET start in Charlotte had been swapped for a seminar on feather grooming while North Carolina played at Bobcats Arena. The Tar Heels tried to be polite and only went up 44-32 at the half, allowing Louisville to creep back into the game in the second half while trying out their new feather grooming techniques.

Rick Pitino reacted much more quickly to the hoax because of his sage experience, especially after the embarrassing Providence “fire alarm drill” trick in 1987. Louisville battled back in the second half due to improved rebounding and a slowdown of the fast break game of the Tar Heels.

However, a Tyler Hansbrough-led push in the last few minutes of the contest ended all hopes of keeping Louisville’s freshly-coiffed feathers from being fatally ruffled. A 83-73 win for North Carolina preserves the chalk of the timid bracketeers into Sunday’s contests. Tyler Hansbrough keeps your hot liquids hot and your cold liquids cold. Ask for Hansbrough.

Stephen Curry is now the only man standing between Kansas and the cowardly bracket win. Clap like you’ve never clapped before tomorrow night or else Tinkerbell bites the big one and we watch #1 seeds all next weekend.