With all of their drivers gathered in Dover for today’s Sprint Cup - which, by the way, Greg Biffle won - NASCAR decided to unveil their brand spanking new updated drug policy. Essentially, it boils down to this: If you’re a driver, you can be testing at any time, any where, any place. Even RIGHT NOW!
(What happens when you don’t test for testosterone.)
According to NASCAR.COM, “The selection would be so random that O’Donnell said a driver could be tested every week in the season, or never after the preseason test is given.”
The effect that performance-enhancing drugs has on drivers is unclear - what are they, going to turn their wheel harder than everyone else? - but what’s most hilarious is the fact that the random testing policy was basically instituted because of the famed excuse of “that’s what everyone else is doing.”
“The way it came about is, we had a number of discussions with the other professional sports leagues [and] a lot of industry experts — a number of those are in the garage, actually,” said Steve O’Donnell, NASCAR vice president of racing operations.
What if all of the other sports jumped off a bridge, NASCAR? Would you too?
We’re not sure entirely as to how this new policy will affect the drivers, or even if the fans really care either way if their drivers are hopped up on goofballs - are crashes less exciting because they know one of the drivers is on ‘roids? - but ladies and gentlemen, the world is now a safer place. Sleep well.