America - the country that brought you jorts, Zubaz, and anything to grace Pauly Shore’s body - will not cede its title of Worst Dressed Nation without a fight. That extends to the fields of play as well. The Tampa Bay Creamsicles, San Diego Predators, and Atlanta Curvy Lines will take on all comers in the Most Hideous Team Garment Ever competition.
(Jorge and the Technicolor Dreamkit)
The rest of the world hates to be upstaged by the United States in any category, though. Therefore, the soccer-playing nations of the world have spent the last twenty-five years gathering the best of the nepotistic, egotistic, and legally blind uniform designers they had to create the Ten Worst Football Kits ever. Peer into the pastel abyss if you dare!
One of the all-time worst offenders is Mexican keeper Jorge Campos, pictured here in Umbro’s attempt to recreate the Sesame Street pinball countdown cartoon. His uniform choices over the years reflected both a zany aesthetic and a desperate attempt to confuse opposing strikers with seizure-inducing patterns since he only stood 5′6″ in FM spiked pumps.
According to THE SUN, though, he wasn’t the wearer of the worst uniform in recent soccer history. That dubious honor goes to Kid of Kid’n'Play…
(It’s a Hull House Party! Heeeey)
By the way, it will be a terribly disappointing year at Miller Park if there is not a Brewers Zubaz night. It will certainly make the free prostate exams easier to administer.