NFL Welcomes Hungry, Huddled (Artificial) Masses

With nothing else to do until 2010, when his Olympic ban ends, notable fast guy Justin Gatlin participated in feats of strength in front of NFL scouts in Tennessee yesterday.

Justin Gatlin, NFL tryout

We’ve heard this before from Gatlin, and British sprinter Dwain Chambers attempted to go down that same road, because the NFL is all about bringing in hungry, tired, huddled masses, no matter how artificially grown that mass is.

You could say “steroids!” to an NFL GM and you might get a response of “stair oh what now?” At which point the discussion would devolve into how Shawne Merriman is good at tackling people. At the end of the conversation, the GM might say “wait, before, when you said that word, was it ‘marijuana?’ No? Phew. Never mind.”

So come on down, Ben Johnson! A team needs a speedy deep threat. This also sounds like a great opportunity for Marion Jones to stay in athletics, and to break the gender barrier all at once. Who knows how many teams would take a chance on a converted athlete, but if Al Davis ever successfully fires Lane Kiffin and replaces him with C.J. Hunter, we could be looking at a safehouse for Olympic castoffs. But I wouldn’t put too much hope into this happening. The odds are only, like, 50-50.

The logical position for all these runners would be a Randy Moss type wide receiver. If Jeremy Wariner were to ever be banned, he would be welcome too, only he would be a possessions receiver lining up at slot. The fans would actually think more of him, though.