MLB Scores on Special Steroids Snitch Hotline?

While it’s great to hear Bud Selig taking one of the recommendations of the Mitchell Report seriously, we didn’t expect it would be this one: all players, managers, and front office officials now have a hotline to call if they suspect one of their witch hunt targets players has been into the performance enhancing hooch.

Carmelo Anthony

(This man would like to remind you that snitches play games with balls that have stitches)

The pertinent baseball personnel received the number (along with a Web site and email address) in January, which filters all information to the Major League Baseball Department of Investigations. (Seriously, was “MLB Committee on Un-American Activities” taken?) It is a mystery why the Internet does not already have this information.

Baseball insiders now wonder if the hotline helped catch Braves phenom Jordan Schafer, who went down for HGH use this week. HGH cannot currently be tested for reliably, so the powers that be must have found out somehow.

Also, we all know how sensitive MLB has been with delicate information like grand jury testimony, urine samples that should have been destroyed years ago, and those that spoke to the Mitchell Report.

If Schafer was given up by someone, that person’s identity will eventually come to light through sloppy Web server security, stored emails, or phone records. The players’ reaction to that action may well ruin the entire effort, leaving the owners free again to blame the players for all the ills of the world.

Not that they can’t do it now. Who needs a test for HGH? If the players cared about the game, they’d snitch faster. All the responsibility is on you now, kids! We owners did our best. Now excuse us… early tee time.