The plague that continues to grip our nation, leaving our greatest athletes broken and beaten in its wake, has left its trademark calcium-based scar across the upper-lips of two more sports stars: Ana Ivanovic and Dwight Howard are your newest milk-mustachioed athletes.

But wait, this isn’t your daddy’s boring old regular white milk. No, sirs and madams, this campaign is for the very special and tasty “chocolate milk” that can be used to help refuel and rehydrate after exercise, “making it an ideal post-exercise choice”.

Wait, what?

From the completely reliable and scientific(!) press release by the milk campaign:

Scientists have evaluated chocolate milk as a post-exercise drink and have identified several reasons why it may be an effective recovery aid: chocolate milk contains a combination of carbohydrates and protein to help replenish exhausted muscles after exercise, it provides fluids to assist with rehydration and it contains “electrolytes” such as potassium and other minerals like calcium that are lost in sweat.

Listen, that’s great and all, but we really can’t imagine a more disgusting beverage to gulp down after a long, hard, sweaty workout than a glass of milk. Well, maybe V8. In any case, they’re going to need a much more enticing milk mustache ad (perhaps featuring Alexis Bledel?) to have us forsake our taste buds for just because science tells us.

Nice try, Presidents of Milk!