“Look out, Loretta!”

“Scratch my back with a hacksaw!”

“He smoked him like a bad cigar!”

The NATIONAL POST sits down with the purveyor of such peculiar phrases, long-time Pittsburgh Penguins play-by-play man Mike Lange:

The play-by-play pundit explains why he tends to pepper his Penguins broadcasts with such colorful, if not confusing, language:

“I want (the fans) to laugh a little bit. I want them to respond that way. Because, Jesus, our game can be so long and so tedious. I want them to enjoy the moment and say something special.”

We remember tuning in to late-night broadcasts on KDKA, just to hear Lange ludicrously yell out, “Heeeeeeeeeeeeeee shoots and scores! Mario Lemieux! He beat him like a rented mule!”

More memorable musings from Mike can be found here.

Some fans still recognize him from his appearance in the Jean-Claude Van Damme action film “Sudden Death“. Even today, Lange continues to get residual checks from Universal - a whopping $17.80 per year, $8 after taxes.

Penguins forward Ryan Malone summed up Lange’s unique style by admitting, “I don’t know exactly what everything means, but it sounds good.”