Manningham’s Marijuana At Michigan Now Moot

Former University of Michigan wide receiver Mario Manningham found himself disappearing from NFL draft boards for “character concerns”, code for what the rest of us called “enjoying college to the fullest”. So what does a boy do when his character has been impugned by, you know, himself just before the biggest payday of his life?

Mario Manningham gets high

(Because he got high)

Throw himself on the mercy of the court. Manningham, who insisted he had never tested positive for marijuana use at Ann Arbor, admitted to two failed marijuana tests but declared he had found Contract Jesus (distant cousin to Touchdown) and wouldn’t touch the Demon Weed anymore. Hallejulah!

“‘I don’t use marijuana anymore - and I have passed tests since,’ Manningham wrote. I know what is at stake for me, and my career. I am learning what it is going to take to be a professional.

‘I am writing this letter because I just want a fair evaluation, and I want to be accountable for my actions. I am willing to be re-interviewed, re-tested, and to undergo any evaluation any team wants me to undergo.’”

We’re sure this statement has been written by Manningham and personally signed by him, perhaps with a smiley face at the end to replace his usual cannabis leaf drawing.

We most sincerely wish Manningham the best in reclaiming his honor through clean living, helping old ladies across the street, and finally passing the eHarmony entrance exam. We know that a four-year, $17m deal will be his anti-drug.