Michigan’s A.D. Don’t Need No Stinking Badges

It’s been a great past few years for Bill Martin. No wait, no it hasn’t. He essentially blew any chance at landing LSU’s Les Miles a couple years ago when he too busy sailing in the Caribbean to take Miles’ agent’s calls; he hired Rich Rodriguez instead, which, wow; and now’s he’s just going to go ahead and retire (presumably so he can just sail in some peace and god-damned quiet).

Michigan AD Bill Martin
(You want my ID? These microphones and reporters are my ID. Get outta here.)

His retirement’s not effective for another 10 months or so, though (September 4, 2010, to be precise), so Martin’s still got a lot of work to do. Athletic directin’, administratin’, and the timeless pastime of old rich people: gettin’ pushy with the help. Cue the incident reports!


On separate occasions, two university employees working security on the Regents Guest level of the Michigan Stadium press box did not allow Martin, who was unaware of a new security process, to enter the area. Martin, on each occasion was without the proper credential and made physical contact with the employees to gain entrance.

The employees — Michigan student Jackie Turner and Eastern Michigan student Arif Khan — did not pursue criminal charges against Martin, according to documents.

“I contacted those involved to discuss the situation and express my regret,” Martin said Monday evening in a statement released by the Michigan athletic department. “I know they were just doing their jobs.”

“Their sad, unskilled, lightly-paid ‘jobs’,” he continued. Okay, no he didn’t.

In each instance (only one of which Bill Martin remembers, because like we said, old rich people), Martin showed up to the new Regents Guest area of Michigan stadium without the proper identification, and was summarily stopped by the security. “I’m Bill Martin bitch” didn’t count as proper identification, sadly, and a little light pushing ensued before someone recognized him.

It’s worth pointing out, though, that this whole “let’s see some ID” thing isn’t about enhancing the security at the stadium inasmuch as turning security into a job that just about anyone earning minimum wage (or thereabouts) can do. Martin noted that before, there was a uniformed DPS guard there who actually recognized him and would let him through without incident; this would seem to be a far more preferable way to go about security there.

Further, it’s probably not very hard to forge one of those ID cards; moreover, the social nature of people would make it not worth your while to begin with. What are you going to do once you’re in that guest area? Walk around while everyone in that clique of privilege gazes awkwardly at you? That’s a bubble you’re not going to pop by the power of personality.

So you have the ID system, because it’s more profitable to leave security in the hands of underskilled hourly employees. Unfortunately, that means security is in the hands of unskilled hourly employees, and this is what you get. Job well done, everyone!