Michael Phelps Has Got His Speedos All In a Bunch

Listen you homos, if you don’t stop using those high-tech bodysuits to beat Our Shining Sir Lancelot of the Pool, Michael Phelps, he’s going pack his nose plugs and go home. Then watch what happens to swim meet attendance. (May look something like this).

Paul Biedermann, Michael Phelps

The controversy occurred at the world championships in Rome today, as Germany’s Paul Biedermann won the 200-meter freestyle — Phelps’ first major loss in four years. Well, if you don’t count Amanda Beard. The winner was wearing a “100 percent polyurethane Arena suit,” whatever that means; Phelps of course was wearing his usual cutoff jeans.

FINA has banned the high-tech porpoise-wear that Biedermann used in the 200 free, but the ban won’t take effect for at least four months.

Told of the possible delay, Phelps’ coach, Bob Bowman, said FINA better “do something or they’re going to lose their guy who fills these seats.”

Bowman spoke immediately after Phelps was upset by unheralded Paul Biedermann of Germany in the 200-meter freestyle at the world championships. Biedermann wore a 100 percent polyurethane Arena suit, while Phelps stayed with last year’s LZR Racer from Speedo.

Two interesting things here, at least to me:

1. You don’t win evelventy thousand gold medals at the Olympics without earning the right to throw your weight around thereafter. But did Bowman complain before Phelps lost? If not this smacks of poor sportsmanship. Bad form, Bowman!

2. Swimming is becoming like auto racing, and that’s not a good thing. Measure the width of Biedermann’s swimsuit fabric! Was he using leaded or unleaded?

I’m not sure if exiting Rome in a huff is the answer, but Bowman does sort of have a point. And Biedermann admits as much. The German had earlier won the 400 free, breaking Australian Ian Thorpe’s storied world record by a hundredth of a second, in 3:40.07. And he beat his own best time from June by 6 1/2 seconds.

“Honestly, I think (the suit cuts off) two seconds in the 400,” Biedermann said.

It’s like steroids for your skin.

(Newest FINA swimsuit design appears to be just a controversial as the last one)

In fact, six world records were set on the first day in Rome, leading officials to believe that the new suits could cause every record to be broken by the end of the competition.

Personally I thought the new high tech suits were doomed when this occurred: