Do you want to get at the premium meat of the best basketball player of all time? Do you think it will never happen because you’re not a comely co-ed visiting a casino or a vacation island? Fear not; the MJ Marketing Machine provides for all segments of the population.  PEREZ HILTON reports you can get the choicest cut of all from Michael Jordan’s latest dilution of his brand: Michael Jordan Steaks.

(”No, Derek; I won’t let my meat get rotten. Why do you ask?”)

To compare, J.A. Adande reminisced about Jordan’s true retirement yesterday at ESPN.com. Eight hundred journalists descended on the United Center (The House that Jordan Built) to witness his retirement as the passing of an era; Adande kept mementos of the occasion to treasure forever.

Exactly ten years later, we hear about Jordan’s new frozen steak business and the Web site crashes because Perez Hilton links to it, not because we’d been salivating for it for months.

That’s true, actually; the site was down at 10 am ET Wednesday with the wry message: “We are hosting a private party for Perez Hilton at this time. We will be open to the public in 30 minutes. Thank you for your patience.”

Until then, you’ll have to get the man’s meat the old-fashioned way: get your wing girl to distract Oak while you move in with a mai tai and a Cuban.