• Michael Irvin almost meets his maker when he’s met by a mad motorist with a Magnum.

• A Kentucky ‘Cat goes Wild in a 54-point outburst versus the Vols.

• Isiah Thomas’ brother can’t pass a church without passing urine onto it.

• Michael Jordan wants to give you his tender, juicy meat.

• A fraulein who once had a fling with a famed German goalkeeper scores with a wunderbar pictorial in Playboy’s Deutchland edition.

• Ex-Giants RB Dave Meggett is arrested again for a repeat rape charge.

• Syracuse wants to futz around with the tradition of their famed 44’s.

• Fooling around forces football coaches to fall four stories out of a window.

• And the winner of today’s eye-catching tennis ball caption contest is…

bazz, who brings us this beauty tip: With a ball in the middle of my face, I’m just half ugly.

Thanks for playing! We’ll be lobbing another contest your way tomorrow.