McCain Undone By “Thaw Ted Williams” Lobby?

David Ortiz is hurt. Josh Beckett is ineffective. The Rays aren’t rolling over. You’d think Red Sox fans had more important things to worry about than Ted Williams‘ frozen corpse. You’d be wrong.

John McCain as Ted Williams

At the intersection of Craigslist and Boston lies the nexus of crazy. Consider this post from an outraged fan calling on all fans to “show [their] team spirit” by making sure the Splendid Splinter’s final resting place isn’t headless and upside down in a large popsicle mold somewhere in Arizona. Hey, isn’t Arizona the home state of a certain politician running for a certain higher office? Therein lies a major campaign issue. Apparently. (Verbatim crazy after the jump.)

Years ago Ted’s dignity was striped from him by a couple of family members and a fringe cult who freezes bodies. When Ted passed away in 2002 his Will was very clear. Ted wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered off the coast of Florida. Instead he was kidnapped by a cult called “Alcorians.” This cult criminally mutilated Ted by separating his head from his body and freezing him.

I seem to remember a legal battle, and a cryogenics company called Alcor, but this cult business is new to me. But where, pray tell, does John McCain come in? Please continue, Mr. Anonymous Craigslist Nutcase:

When Arizona State Senator and Presidential hopefully John McCain was asked to step in and help, he refused. This seems to fly in the face of John McCain claiming that Ted Williams is his hero and good friend…Call John McCain’s office in Arizona with a message demanding that John McCain address this situation prior to the election. State that you will not consider him for office until the Ted Williams issue is addressed.

What kind of President will McCain be if he cannot take care of issues that occur in his home state?

Under this logic, we must disqualify Barack Obama for failing to prevent the Cubs’ collapse, although the way he “took care” of cheapskate Blackhawks owner Bill Wirtz may win him some votes from the coveted hockey fan bloc.

The Craigslist poster goes on to urge all fans to contact McCain and to withhold their votes until this horrible injustice is rectified. I’m sure the McCain campaign will get right to work on this, since Massachusetts is such a toss-up state.

Ted Williams' Head

(”Cast my vote for…Ron Paul.”)