Matt Geiger, Real Estate Mogul, Gets His Sue On

The nicest thing about being a pro basketball player, even a completely mediocre one known more for looking like Steve Austin than your actual talent on a basketball court, is that you can still afford to own $21 million houses in Tarpon Springs, Florida.

Geiger on Cribs

The downside to that, of course, is that when you try to sell such an expensive house, the whole thing becomes public knowledge. Like, let’s say you enter into an agreement for $21 million cash, then get punked on such an agreement, and finally file suit in federal court claiming breach of contract. Well, people, like THE TAMPA TRIBUNE, are gonna write about it. Even if you’re Matt F’ing Geiger.

It seemed the whole time like they were going to close, they were going to close,’ Geiger said.

In November, Geiger and Global Asset Holdings LLC entered into an agreement in a cash transaction for Geiger’s property, according to a lawsuit filed in federal court Monday.

In December, Geiger was offered $15 million by another potential buyer. Global Asset Holdings, however, refused to release him from its contract, and the company’s agent continued to assure Geiger it would close the sale, the lawsuit states.

Near the end of February, Global Asset Holdings said it didn’t want to buy the property because of ‘market conditions in the real estate market across the country,’ according to the lawsuit.

Or, perhaps because Geigs went to them and said “Hey brahs, I’ve got another offer of $15 million on the house, so could you guys go ahead and I’m probably going to take it unless you just want to hand me the $21 mil right now. Cool?” (That’s what I imagine a tall, goateed, bald guy in a backwards hat, jeans and no shoes eating cereal in front of a mansion saying anyway.)

Geiger Kicks It

Geiger — known for his Penthouse Pet prowess — is trying to roll out of there because the place is apparently too much of a pimp shack, and he doesn’t feel like its bacheloresque theme fits well for a guy with a girlfriend and two kids.

The sale price for the 28,000-square-foot estate at 3385 Old Keystone Road had been listed at $19.9 million. The facilities, built in 2003, include a swimming pool and spa, a guest house and private tennis courts. The home has three floors and includes a game room, cigar room, theater, sauna room, cabana room and library.

The home was to come furnished, according to the lawsuit. Its master bedroom, for example, had a council table, a sofa, a coffee table, four chairs, three end tables, a sofa bench and a bed. Its game room had two pool tables, three pub tables and 30 leather bar stools.

“It’s kind of built for someone when I was in a different stage in my life,” Geiger said.

Now, there’s no mention of stripper poles or anything, and I’m not saying they’re in there. But Mr. Geiger, sir, those kids are going to hate you when they get to high school and find out that you decided they shouldn’t be living in a $20 million pimp lair. Especially when they’re already tall, bald and have resorted to using money to pick up members of the opposite sex.

Just kidding. Please don’t choke me.