MARADONA HATES AMERICA; CHOCO TACOS, NOT SO MUCH: We searched far and wide for satisfactory sports television to no avail yesterday.

If only we spoke Spanish!

Turns out our favorite recent gastric bypass surgery recipient and illegal intoxicant user (think John Daly about 35 minutes after he retires), Maradona, appeared on Hugo Chavez’s weekly TV show yesterday. We’re also happy to note that Venezuela still has television. Now radio and phones, we’re not so sure.

So while guesting on “Hugo, Live!” (ok, we made the name of the show up), Madonna Maradona assured us that he’s off the Cruellers and Crank, and he’s now taking the stairs.

Oh year, he also said he hates the United States “with all my strength“.

More of Maradona’s snappy wit and wisdom: “I believe in Chavez, I am Chavista … . Everything Fidel does, everything Chavez does for me is the best (that can be done). I hate everything that comes from the United States. I hate it with all my strength.”

If only he could say the same about those cursed Choco Tacos.