Pacquiao’s Next Test: Supersonic Breasts & Crabs

In case you missed it, Manny Pacquiao absolutely obliterated Miguel Cotto this Saturday. It really wasn’t much of a contest, even as it went 12 rounds before the referee put an end to the senseless beating Pacquiao was putting on Cotto. So until Pacqiuao and Floyd Mayweather fight (seriously, guys, just do it already), Pac-Man’s going to have to settle for the next best thing: giant crabs and super-sound-boobs.

Manny Pacquiao Kicking Giant Crab

(Whoa whoa whoa - boxers aren’t allowed to kick their opponents, pal!)

Why, there’s one of those giant crabs now, acting aggressively toward Pacquiao for an as yet undetermined reason. As our readers undoubtedly know, crabs are one of the most gentle creatures on the planet, and are often referred to as “doves of the deep.” Okay, I made all that up. Anyway, it’s a still from Pacquiao’s latest project: a Filipino movie called Wapakman. And here’s the thing about that movie, if you haven’t already ascertained: it’s f–king insane.

Because we know you want it, trailer’s after the break.

You know what my favorite part of that trailer is? Everything.

Those beautiful bastards at FILM DRUNK have more:

The latest picture from Topel Lee, Wapakman stars real life boxing champ Manny Pacquaio as a normal man who becomes a superhero and must battle - in this trailer alone - a woman with supersonic breasts, a man made of lava and, of course, a giant crab. [TWITCH]

Love youuuu, Philippines.

Actually, if there’s one disconcerting thing about this trailer, it’s that Pacquiao is jumping the shark with his very first movie. He’s fighting a freaking lava man.  How can he be a “serious” action film star now? Yes, the Batman series eventually did away with those neon rollerblading thugs, but Val Kilmer sure didn’t survive that purge of ridiculousness. It took a Clooney buffer to get to the badass Christian Bale part.

Really, Pacquiao needs to take a cue from Jackie Chan on this one: kick ass for like 3 decades in your movies, then you can have characters and movies that are completely over the top.

And speaking of “over the top,” still the undisputed king of sports-based cinema:

Arm-wrestling movies! Beat that, Pacquiao.