Manny Being Marketed as Manny in Chavez Ravine

If you were one of millions of Americans (and baseball fans worldwide) downing sleeping pills like Tic-Tacs and still jolting awake at night at the horrific thought of scissors approaching the iconic dreadlocks of Manny Ramirez under the new regime of Joe Torre in Los Angeles, you must have been relieved earlier this week to hear the dreads will stay. (No, not that kind of relieved.)

What brought the change of heart, you ask? Is it the attempt to keep Manny happy when they exercise his team option in the winter? Is it a desire to stay focused on beating the eminently beatable Diamondbacks?

Manny Ramirez wigs

(Our perpetual debt to THE FIGHTINS for their keen eye for fashion)

No, of course not, silly reader. Frank McCourt finally realized he could monetize the Manny Experience. Please to be enjoying your new Manny dreadlock merchandise.

We could have told you about this, Frank; highlighting cultural differences is a hoary cash cow all over the nation.

Fukudome bandanas

Now let’s just hope Manny doesn’t notice those beach balls in the outfield bleachers at Dodger Stadium. He may disappear into the stands and blend in with all the other wig-wearers, never to be seen again. (We guess Jon Papelbon won’t mind, but we will. Don’t look, Manny; don’t look!)