• What happens when a married man has an affair with a 16-year-old cheerleader? Man & wife cruelly kill the cheerleader, of course.

• Derrick Rose needs to find some sleeping partners who aren’t so sharp.

• Panthers beat up Bucs, reign supreme over NFC South - for now.

• Corruption by an Illinois governor is no big surprise, but to bring the Cubs into his nefarious dealings? Monster!

• Columbus Blue Jackets tix can be yours under an easy installment plan of only $10 each. The catch - they’re for Blue Jackets games.

• How do you get the word out about your 4-year-old golf prodigy? Through the miracle of Google Ads!

• Before heading back to Bristol, Barry Melrose took time to lambast his former Lightning employers.

• Kevin McHale’s coaching ability can be best described in two-and-a-half words: Etch-A-Sketch.

• And the winner of today’s hair-raising Heat-ed caption contest is…

Joel, with this stiff warning: Side Effects for Viagra in Women: Prolonged erection of hair lasting more than 4 hours.  See a doctor immediately.

Thanks for playing. Another contest to be highlighted tomorrow.