Man U’s Newest Star Is Pulling Some Serious Tail

In the aftermath of the $132 million transfer of Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid, Manchester United fans might be worried that their beloved soccer team might now become a lesser presence in the celebrity gossip and society pages. Who would fill the void left behind with the loss of the Paris Hilton-snogging fashion victim? Who would provide ManU fans with naked girlfriend party pics? Who will challenge Miss Albania now?

Federico Macheda Sophie Houghton

Rest easy, Red Devils. The world’s most famous pro soccer team knows better than to get rid of its biggest stars without a replacement plan, and young striker Federico Macheda  is poised to be the next breakout superstar. More importantly, however, he’s landed a fresh-faced young lass to serve as his representative in the gossip pages of Britian’s tabloids. Gentlemen (and,uh, ladies if you’re so inclined), meet soccer’s newest WAG, Sophie Houghton.

Houghton is an 18-year-old model whose Facebook page caught Macheda’s eye. Thanks to THE SPOILER, we’ve got proof that she does, in fact, do modeling:

See? Model!

Sophie Houghton

Suspecting that wasn’t the only footage of the lovely Ms. Houghton out on the internet, UNPROFESSIONAL FOUL took it upon themselves to heroically wade into the sordid, stupid world of MySpace to dig up some background info and found that, unsurprisingly, Macheda’s probably not digging her for her intellect. A sample from her profile:

dance n rnb n hip hop, roooobieeee williams TILL I dieeeee !!! AND
FUNKYYYYYY TOTALLLLYYY ROCKKKKK MYYY SOCKKKSSSSS LOVE TO BE BOPPIN AND JUMPIN IN
TWN WIV MY GIRLSSSSSS TILL 6AM WITH DA FUNKY BLASTINNNN !!!! WOOOOOO COS LETS
FACE IT WE GET ALL THE GUYSSSSSSSS MY GIRLSSSS R STUNNNNINNNGGGGG
!!!!!!

The most troubling thing here? She seems to think Robbie Williams is “hip hop.” Then again, Brits think curried baked beans counts as gourmet cuisine, so “good taste” may be asking a bit much from her. She’s also a Scouser, so the above is probably some sort of phonetic version of how she talks.

Sophie Houghton

Maybe now that she’s with the up-and-coming soccer star, she’ll be able to afford a new keyboard - one that doesn’t stick so much. Surely no one would intentionally write something so stupid, right? Right? Hello? Aw, hell, you don’t care, do you? Fine, here you go, you animals:

Sophie Houghton

Sophie Houghton

Sophie Houghton