Man U Knockout: When Bathroom Stalls Attack

Manchester United must feel particularly paranoid this week. Yes, they lost to Portsmouth in the FA Cup quarters after missing on numerous point-blank chances and then seeing their backup keeper sent off, placing defender Rio Ferdinand in the box to flail at the winning penalty kick.

Darren Fletcher

(Watch out for that… what?)

However, that pain must seem rather tame to Darren Fletcher, the Man U midfielder, after the Old Trafford home locker room attacked him last week after a Champions League match and knocked him unconscious. To wit, the bathroom stall door fell on his head.

Fletcher bled profusely and looked rather stunned to have the home equipment attack him for his recent performance. Thankfully, he appeared to be fine after a few stitches and some time to answer all the rings in his ears.

However, one must imagine Man U manager Sir Alex Ferguson must have been furious about this development. After all, his reaction to Manchester United’s weekend defeat in the FA Cup was not the least bit restrained, especially when it came to the safety of his players.

Fergie must have grabbed the nearest maintenance technician by the scruff of the neck and dragged him to the scene, demanding to know why a straight red had not yet been issued on the stall door. How could this repair man, this door, and the Professional Maintenance Technician Board sleep at night, knowing their thievery and incompetence?

Why, perhaps Ronaldo wanted to use the same toilet just yesterday but felt he could not show his bowel’s skills with such dangers around. Did he fear for his well being and chose to soil himself instead? No one knows for sure, but it certainly exposes the strain put on the beleaguered United team.

One hopes that scrappy team can pull out a decent result on the pitch this year as well as the stall. Also, one hopes they can stop confusing the two.