Michael Jackson was laid to rest this afternoon with a star-studded (and taxpayer-funded) memorial service that included Mariah Carey swinging ‘n’ missing and Stevie Wonder hitting a home run. (Seems like kind of a weak analogy, with the blindness and all, but whatever - Stevie was way better.) But there were plenty more stars than just those two, some of whom were thoughtful enough not to sing.
(Ever think that the Colonel’s tie was actually a small body dancing like Michael Jackson? Did I just blow your mind?*)
As we reported earlier, two such stars were Laker greats Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson, because
AEG needed to cynically leverage their Lakers/Staples Center assets in order to maximize exposure and advertising dollars since they’re on the hook for MJ’s lost concert revenue everybody needed to know what Kobe Bryant thinks about the late Michael Jackson. Frankly, any Kobe speech that didn’t include something along the lines of “Can you imagine if I blatantly ripped my act off this MJ instead?!” seems like a waste, but we’re getting greedy.
When it was Magic’s turn to speak, though, he went a route that was at once surprising and, really, not even slightly surprising.
Magic started out with the type of ridiculous claim that can only happen at a funeral: “I truly believe that Michael made me a better point guard and basketball player.” Dude, no, he didn’t. Stop that.
Johnson then lapsed back into reality and related a story about appearing in Jackson’s “Remember The Time” video (oh yes, that happened). The shooting itself must not have been very interesting, since Magic skips it, but then we get right into the 21st century Magic’s wheelhouse: fried food. Watch and admire:
(And none of this grilled s#*t either.)
Nice. The rest of the credit he gives Jackson is almost as forced as his shoehorned credit for improving his own game, but hey, it’s a funeral. These things happen there. Then Kobe got confused by the fact that they were at the Staples Center, grabbed his NBA Championship trophy, and sprayed champagne on the stunned onlookers.
Okay, no he didn’t.
*No? Smoke a joint then come back, then.