Congratulations, Macon Music of the independent South Coast League! With one long Promotions meeting full of naughty guffaws and one hastily prepared press release, you’ve leaped into the lead for the coveted “Worst Game Night Promotion of 2008″ award.
(Macon Music promotions dept. meeting)
What brilliant combination of current events, shameless tactics, and tittilating topics did you mix in your cauldron behind the left field wall to earn the early lead in the AP poll? Why, it’s Eliot Spitzer Night in Macon on June 13th! How ribald of you! You’re just so wacky. How do you do it?
As with most nutty and off the wall minor league promotions, the idea’s tossed out and then chased with a series of bullet point suggestions. Shall we?
- One lucky fan gets to stay at the same hotel where Spitzer famously diddled
- The (client) ninth fan gets free crap
- Wire taps all over the field
- 871st fan (if you’re lucky, there’s 871 fans in attendance) gets more free crap
- $1 off if you’re an Eliot, Spitzer, Kristen, or have ever resigned
And so on. Oh, how kooky! It’s just the living end, Daddy-o!
Seriously, though, why stop here? If you’re going to build an entire evening around a disgraced man’s sexual indiscretions three months after the event occcured solely to grab a couple headlines on a slow sports news day, why not show you have real marketing cojones?
To wit, here’s the next suggested promotion for the Macon Music on June 14th, once all the spilled joy has been scrubbed out of the seats from Eliot Spitzer Night:
It’s Bring on the Whores! Night at Luther Williams Stadium in Macon, GA. Come one, come all! (And do we mean it! Wakka wakka!)
Nothing more wholesome for the whole family than Bring on the Whores! Night, brought to you by Macon Music and Jim’s Auto Parts Emporium on 37th St. The first 2,000 fans 18 and older get a whore! (And we’re not checking ID that closely! Woo woo!)
Roger Clemens, noted money whore, will… not throw out the first pitch, but we’ve got a guy named Roy Clement! And he once had a pimple on his posterior. And we’re giving him a whore!
In the fourth inning, we’ve invited the contestants in the Miss Macon 2007 beauty pageant to the pitcher’s mound for a hot dog eating contest. Come cheer on your favorite local beauty!
Anyone named John, knows a John, or has ever used the john gets $.50 off our Chili Cheese Fry Bomb. Get messy for less!
So come right on down to Luther Williams Stadium for Bring on the Whores! Night or we might have to institute Play Under the Flashlights Night this season since our water and electricity have been shut off already. Oh, dear God, please come to the game. We’re begging you.