SPORTSbyBROOKS » LT: Strip Joint Hand Job’ll Cost You 75 Smackers

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LT: Strip Joint Hand Job’ll Cost You 75 Smackers

Posted by Brooks on Oct. 29, 2008, 1:15pm

Lawrence Taylor has been a been a busy man this week. When he isn’t scraping Plax or sending his son off to play football for a god-awful team, he’s out promoting a football video game called “Blitz: The League 2.” Good luck with that one LT.

Thankfully, the promo tour has Taylor talking about the only thing that would interest us about him these days: Strip club hand jobs and “two chickens f—ing.”

Taylor appeared on Howard Stern this week. Stern sidekick Artie Lange immediately led off the fun with LT telling a story about about meeting the HOFer years ago: “He said, ‘c We ran out of there. We thought he would take us to the bitches.”

Lange apparently is the only person in the Lower 48 that thinks LT would “take us to bitches.”

More wit and wisdom from Bill Parcells’ favorite former(?) crackhead:

Howard asked LT when he last spoke to OJ, and LT said “Before the trial,” adding that if he were in OJ’s position, he’d have done the same thing: “I’d go get my sh– back…[I told him] ‘I’ll see you when you get back’ [from jail].”

Howard then began investigating LT’s romantic resume, but LT stonewalled him on most fronts, including OJ’s daughter, Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife and even OJ’s girlfriend. LT confessed that he’s redirected the energy he used to spend on womanizing to the golf course, which usually involved a “friendly” wager and was often followed by dinner at his favorite strip club, Tootsie’s.

Howard asked how much a handjob cost at his favorite strip club, and LT laughed: “I heard they were about 75 dollars…I heard that in the back, you gotta pay. But I don’t go in the back.”

LT explained that his schedule didn’t allow him any time to stray: “It’s better now that I do what I want and the stress of going out there [and messing around is gone]. I got what I need.” The crew then wondered if LT would ever want to be a coach, but his response was quick: “I would rather watch two chickens f’ than coach football.”

Shame. No more drugs and womanizing for LT? Does anyone believe he’s now relegated to asking how much handjobs are at strip clubs?

Maybe Plax will join him soon. They can meet on the down-low at Hertz. ROAD TRIP!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 29th, 2008 at 1:15 pm and is filed under Idiot Athlete, Brog, NFL, Nonsensical Crap , Media , Football . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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Tags: Brog, Former Crackhead Nflers, Howard Stern, Lawrence Taylor, Plaxico Burress

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23 comments

CanesFan77
1:21 pm on October 29th, 2008

LT cracks me up.
Wes Welker Wuvs You
1:22 pm on October 29th, 2008

Boy, Bob Golic's really let himself go.
Kevin C
1:24 pm on October 29th, 2008

$75? With or without tip?
Plaxico Rent-A-Car
1:25 pm on October 29th, 2008

Too bad Lawrence never went in the back, because they actually feature two chickens f-ing.
jason
1:33 pm on October 29th, 2008

LT would definitely love this golf tournament:

http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/vince-neil-likes-golf-17596
Rock Strongo
1:36 pm on October 29th, 2008

Wait a sec. I thought LT was LaDainian Thomlinson. Me confused.
Hurricane Ike Turner
1:41 pm on October 29th, 2008

OJ's daughter and girlfriend? Sounds like LT can write his own "If I Did It" book.
Vince Youngs Psychiatrist
1:44 pm on October 29th, 2008

Is Jackie Martling still on Stern? I haven't listened to that show in ages.
Neil Everett Diamond
1:46 pm on October 29th, 2008

Which "Blitz: The League II" level has the strip club hand jobs?
Abe Froman
1:55 pm on October 29th, 2008

"Two chickens f-ing" pretty much describes Rod Marinelli's and Marvin Lewis's coaching strategies this season.
Nick N.
2:04 pm on October 29th, 2008

Full Nude, Full Friction, Full On…Full of STDs!
Jimmy Rollins Band
2:11 pm on October 29th, 2008

Being such a big VIP, you'd think Tootsie's would give Taylor a freebie.
Cleveland Brown
2:19 pm on October 29th, 2008

"Take us to the bitches" - sounds like something a horny alien who just landed on Earth would say.
Oilman
2:21 pm on October 29th, 2008

"Which brings me to my next point kids: 'Don't smoke crack'"
Man U-SA
4:18 pm on October 29th, 2008

I'd hazard to guess that LT's favorite radio station is WDFN:
http://www.sportsbybrooks.com/how-to-win-sports-radio-war-implied-nudity-20651
All Washed Up
4:26 pm on October 29th, 2008

Seems LT is doing better in retirement than the Fridge is.
X-Factor
6:43 pm on October 29th, 2008

$75? For how long?
Lake Show
8:21 pm on October 29th, 2008

Thanks for the tip, LT!
Indiana Pacer Maker
9:24 pm on October 29th, 2008

A 75-smacker hand job? That sounds a little painful.
Desert Rat
9:26 pm on October 29th, 2008

You can probably get better deals in Vegas.
Frank
9:35 pm on October 29th, 2008

I can't decide which image would worse to witness - two chickens "f-ing", or Lawrence Taylor getting a hand job from a stripper.
Sour Orange
9:49 pm on October 29th, 2008

Are those "Blitz" games any good? I've had a passing interest in them, but never bought or rented a copy.
Double A-Rod
9:55 pm on October 29th, 2008

Taylor should really have a heart-to-heart chat with Burress. And hold it at Tootsie's so you know Plaxico will come.