LT: Strip Joint Hand Job’ll Cost You 75 Smackers

Lawrence Taylor has been a been a busy man this week. When he isn’t scraping Plax or sending his son off to play football for a god-awful team, he’s out promoting a football video game called “Blitz: The League 2.” Good luck with that one LT.

Lawrence Taylor Tootsie's Cabaret

Thankfully, the promo tour has Taylor talking about the only thing that would interest us about him these days: Strip club hand jobs and “two chickens f—ing.

Lawrence Taylor Artie Lange

Taylor appeared on Howard Stern this week. Stern sidekick Artie Lange immediately led off the fun with LT telling a story about about meeting the HOFer years ago: “He said, ‘c We ran out of there. We thought he would take us to the bitches.”

Lange apparently is the only person in the Lower 48 that thinks LT would “take us to bitches.

More wit and wisdom from Bill Parcells’ favorite former(?) crackhead:

Howard asked LT when he last spoke to OJ, and LT said “Before the trial,” adding that if he were in OJ’s position, he’d have done the same thing: “I’d go get my sh– back…[I told him] ‘I’ll see you when you get back’ [from jail].”

Howard then began investigating LT’s romantic resume, but LT stonewalled him on most fronts, including OJ’s daughter, Eddie Murphy’s ex-wife and even OJ’s girlfriend. LT confessed that he’s redirected the energy he used to spend on womanizing to the golf course, which usually involved a “friendly” wager and was often followed by dinner at his favorite strip club, Tootsie’s.

Howard asked how much a handjob cost at his favorite strip club, and LT laughed: “I heard they were about 75 dollars…I heard that in the back, you gotta pay. But I don’t go in the back.”

LT explained that his schedule didn’t allow him any time to stray: “It’s better now that I do what I want and the stress of going out there [and messing around is gone]. I got what I need.” The crew then wondered if LT would ever want to be a coach, but his response was quick: “I would rather watch two chickens f’ than coach football.”

Shame. No more drugs and womanizing for LT? Does anyone believe he’s now relegated to asking how much handjobs are at strip clubs?

Maybe Plax will join him soon. They can meet on the down-low at Hertz. ROAD TRIP!