Too many times these days, mentions of youth sports in the news are accompanied by details of disgusting sexual perversion, parental misconduct, or other heinous issues often stemming from the imbalance of authority between adult and child, coach and player. Whatever happened to the halcyon days of yore, when kids were innocent, fun-loving scamps playing carefree games on glorious American summer evenings?
(Lovable scamps … or dangerous insurgents?)
Recently, though, our nation’s youth baseball players started to fight back*. Fed up with getting liquored up and felt up by their coaches, the kids are rising up against the oppression and exploitation of their adult masters. Don’t believe us? Check out this first documented example of the youth athlete revolution, dangerously smuggled to the Twitters via the heroic ‘Duk of BIG LEAGUE STEW.
It started innocently enough - a coach-pitch baseball game on a warm spring evening. We don’t know where, or when exactly. It does not matter. There was no indication that things would go horrifically wrong. But then, in the blink of an eye, it happened:
REVENGE! With one swing of the bat, the children’s revolution began in earnest. Only days ago, we tried to warn the nation of the weaponry potential of “bats on steroids,” but at least one unfortunate coach didn’t listen. Where will you go when the angry rugrats of America come for you?
*We may be overreacting here - sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and sometimes a line drive’s just a line drive. In the interests of public safety, we prefer to err on the side of caution; beware the rampaging Little League revolution!