Mix Lisa Guerrero, Kentucky moonshine and John Daly and what do you get? An argument over who wears a larger cup size. That, and the hardest-hitting column this side of Charles Krauthammer.
(Eh, still better than Kornheiser.)
Guerrero was down south for Daly’s charity golf tournament, but she couldn’t resist sampling the local delicacies: home brewed liquor and country music. “Caught up in the spirit” of the moonshine(read: drunk), she confesses she wrote her own country tune about an aging pitcher who wants to play again. Husband Scott Erickson must be thrilled that his wife finds his feelings of physical inadequacy so inspiring that she wants to share it with the world. (Presumptive lyrics after the jump.)
Guerrero admits she was inspired by a song called “No Trash In My Trailer,” except she manages to get the song’s name wrong. I’d like to think her original composition, titled “The Comeback,” goes a little something like this:
Remember me? I was good with the Twins
Though I haven’t been good in some time
Washed up long before I washed out
Career ERA of 4.59
I struck it rich with the Orioles
Where my skills promptly bought the farm
How bad are you when you can’t cut it there
They’ll let anyone pitch with two arms
I tried with the Mets, Rangers, Dodgers and Yanks
And picked up a groupie along the way
Maybe I shouldn’t have married a girl
Who likes to get naked for pay
But there’s still some zip on my fastball
And plenty of drop on my change
I need to get back into baseball
My wife’s tastes ain’t in my price range
Everyone’s favorite legitimate sports journalist promised us last month that her blog would be “fueled by a strong cup of joe - but mostly strong opinions.” In the spirit of letting the readers know what she really thinks, and not holding back, no matter who she has to offend, Guerrero gives us some controversial statements like, “Country music when performed live is really quite enjoyable,” and “Apparently, female country stars no longer sport sequins, cleavage, blue eye shadow or big hair, which was disappointing, but the dudes mostly still wear cowboy hats, which is good to know.”
And because alcoholism and addiction are gut-bustingly funny, Guerrero closes with this exchange with Daly:
“Lisa G: Last question: Beer, wine or moonshine?
Daly: All of the above.”
Before you ask, yes, I already forwarded her column to the Pulitzer committee.
2:21 pm on October 23rd, 2008
If Lisa wore that outfit while doing Monday Night Football, she would still have a job.
2:34 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Krauthammer - sounds like a German heavy metal band.
2:35 pm on October 23rd, 2008
More importantly, if Lisa didn't have to talk, she would still have a MNF job.
2:36 pm on October 23rd, 2008
You forward her column to the Pulitzer people, and I'll forward it to my spam filter.
2:38 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Not a bad tune, Barry. What key is it in?
2:40 pm on October 23rd, 2008
When can we see Anna Benson's column (with similar skimpy photos, I hope)?
3:03 pm on October 23rd, 2008
What Daly meant to say was "all at once".
3:06 pm on October 23rd, 2008
No more cleavage or sequins? Glad I don't follow country music.
But I can still make do with Guerrero's gazongas.
4:00 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Speaking of moonshine, who's ready for tonight's big Auburn-West Virginia matchup!
4:20 pm on October 23rd, 2008
“Country music when performed live is really quite enjoyable,”
As opposed to performed dead.
4:21 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Good thing there's a World Series going on so people don't have to watch Auburn's awful offense.
And I should know - I've seen it.
4:23 pm on October 23rd, 2008
she's not too bad. she's got nice curves.
4:37 pm on October 23rd, 2008
aren't her 15 minutes of fame up yet?
4:39 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Call me crazy, but I think she's still kinda hot.
4:45 pm on October 23rd, 2008
You're crazy.
5:07 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Lisa Guerrero's annoying, but she's really not that bad to look at. As long as there's a mute button, she's welcome on my screen anytime.
5:49 pm on October 23rd, 2008
6:19 pm on October 23rd, 2008
A Lisa Guerrero blog is useless without accompanying pics of Lisa Guerrero typing in the nude.
6:57 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Guerrero's jugs are very inspiring, indeed.
7:00 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Lisa can blog me anytime
7:18 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Reporter, actor, film producer, Playboy model, blogger, songwriter - is there anything this woman can't do?
7:23 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Is this song published through BMI or ASCAP?
7:25 pm on October 23rd, 2008
Any song written by Lisa Guerrero would be perfect for a hoedown.
8:28 pm on October 23rd, 2008
If a drunk Joe Namath said he wanted to kiss Lisa while she was working a Monday Night game, think she would take him up on it?
1:50 pm on October 24th, 2008
Great song!