When we last left the Lingerie Football League, they were being bankrolled by Mitch Mortaza, a man of questionable tact who seemed to be primarily interested in being their sugar daddy so he could, y’know, spend time with hot women. Hardly a novel idea, of course, but you don’t normally see it manifested on so large a scale.
But that many women can’t be contented with just one sugar daddy, try as he may, and there’s certainly no shortage of old men with tons more money than shame. So it should come as no surprise that someone who famously endorsed a boner pill should be the next high-profile investor in lingerie football. Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Ditka!
The LFL will be making several major announcements in relation to significant media, personality and ownership partnerships such as Mike Ditka. “Coach Ditka embodies the game of football and will be an invaluable asset to the LFL as we mature into a worldwide sports brand,” said, Mitchell S. Mortaza, Founder & Chairman. Mike Ditka added, “Football has always been a large part of my life and passion, this an opportunity to be part of something truly special in its inception phase.”
Wait wait. “As we mature”? May we remind you that this is something called “Lingerie Football League,” gentlemen? The only thing mature about it is the TV rating it’ll get.
But who else can we expect? It’s pretty safe to assume nobody just wants to listen to only Mike Ditka while a bunch of strippers run into each other on a football field. Who else you got?
Friday Night Football’s broadcast team will include longtime ESPN NFL Analyst Sean Salisbury, veteran Chicago Bulls play-by-play man Tom Dore and Maxim Hot 100 winner April Rose will serve as sideline reporter.
Sean Salisbury?! Jesus Christ! ladies, do not let him have your phone number; this is critically important.
All this aside, though, we’d like to stop and have a moment of silence for the money he’s throwing at this; he’d have had just as good a chance at ever seeing it again if he’d have just cut the charade and just taken it down to the Spearmint Rhino instead. At least there they get naked.