Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: organizers have called off the Lingerie Bowl for the third straight year. The TAMPA TRIBUNE reports that the reason isn’t that no one is buying the PPV, or that people can get the same about of gratuitous shots of three-quarters naked women doing something athletic from an episode of “Rock of Love.” No, this is for a far more ironic reason: the nude resort it was being held at wouldn’t agree to have their residents put clothes on.
As we previously mentioned, the game was scheduled to be held at the Caliente nudist resort in Florida, and several of the players were uncomfortable playing in a game in front of nude spectators. Again, the players - who would be running around tackling each other in skimpy underwear and many of whom have posed nude in the past - were uncomfortable with nudity. Sure. And I’m sure it had nothing to do with the late payments and drastic pay cuts that were rumored.
“The league will not place our fans, players, staff nor partners in a less then comfortable environment that would ultimately jeopardize the mainstream perception and reputation of the brand that so many have worked diligently over these past five years to build,” the league’s Stephon McMillen said.
Frankly, I can’t blame them. I’ve seen “Real Sex” on HBO before, and if that’s any indication, these nudist colonies aren’t filled with the tanned hardbodies you would fantasize about, but lumpy, middle-aged men and women with more rolls than a French bakery. I was “less than comfortable” watching them on TV myself (mostly nauseous).
The game had moved to the nudist colony after it had been kicked out of a vacant lot in West Tampa - which doesn’t speak well to the “the mainstream perception and reputation of the brand” the league is trying to claim. But I’m sure this is a bitter disappointment to the “millions of fans” set to watch the PPV (which I think might have been off by a zero or two).
So, have fun watching The Boss mumble his way through a 12-minute version of “Thunder Road” during halftime. Is it too late to contact the Felony Fights guys to put something together for Sunday? Maybe we can get Michael Vick as guest referee.