Oh, hello. Welcome to SbB. We have lots to talk about. Like lesbians! Everyone likes them, particularly the versions in male movie directors’ imaginations and not the actual ones that do things like, y’know, grow older than 26. Good, everyone on board? Now let’s bring in sheep doo-doo. Annnnd there goes… wait, nobody’s leaving? God, you people are sick.
This story comes to us courtesy of the coastal areas of Maine, land of … Bangors and mash. I dunno. Kelly Jo Cookson, a softball coach in Brewer, has sued the school district, claiming she was dismissed on account of her sexual orientation. The school district disagrees just a bit, according to the BANGOR DAILY* NEWS, claiming an incident at a team picnic made things just a bit more uncomfortable than any sexual orientation ever could:
The Maine Supreme Judicial Court has sent back to Penobscot County Superior Court a former Brewer softball coach’s claim that she was fired because she is a lesbian.
The Brewer School District has said that Cookson’s contract was not renewed after she allegedly forced the girls on her team to walk barefoot through sheep feces at a team picnic.
Ohhh man. That’s not clean. That’s just… okay, wait. We have a few questions before we can really pass judgment on this one.
1) How many girls claimed this happened to them? Seems important for the purposes of story corroboration, right?
2) How old was the sheep mess? Like, was it still steaming, cold but fresh enough to still be squishy, old and rocklike? Inquiring minds need to know, otherwise how do we know how traumatized the giirls allegedly were? It’s crucial.
3) Was the sheep itself a lesbian? I know, I said up there that it wasn’t, but we don’t really know, do we? I suppose it’s not really material to whether Cookson was justly fired or not, but… I’ve just never seen a sheep in a softball league, y’know.
*”Bangor Daily” joke? Too easy. We have standards.